What do I see in life and about life?

Life is beautiful. I simply can't think of the best positive word to describe life. Perfect? No, it isn't so. Nothing is perfect and if life is ever perfect, why do people fret and cry? Why do people scream and shout? Why do wars happen and why are lives taken away abruptly? Why do people keep demanding for things? If it was ever perfect, we wouldn't be what we are today. We would be the most pampered creatures on earth and simply brought down for eternity. That can be a fantasy to dream about ....

I see life has a rainbow - different colours, dragged across the sky and what seems like never ending. From a point of view on a normal spot on Earth, the rainbow stretches across the sky and fades away. But, it feels like it's being stretched continuously. The different colours represents the different emotions one would experience daily.

Life is full of infinite promises. Every day, I wake up to a new start not knowing what will happen next. It'd be very encouraging to see a positivity around me and otherwise, discouraging to see negativity. We often hear of deaths of people and sometimes, they are loved ones. It's definitely hard to swallow the brutal truth, but life is not for eternity. There'll be a time when one has to go. It's just sooner or later, young or old. But then again, I wish death had never existed. And as it do, I wish I would die a painless death. To make it sound gentle, a peaceful one.

Life is like the sky - plain and simple. It all matters on how you make your life more enriching or painful. No one came to Earth with no problems. Everyone has problems that is not seen on the surface for it's all inside the little fragile body.

Sometimes, I feel like I've been deprived with all the good stuffs. There are some people living off the rich lifestyle and flaunting all their good stuffs. Pure arrogance which allows disrespect. But then again, I compare myself or rather, my life with the really poor and I ask myself, "Am I truly deprived? Should I even say that?" No, I should never say that. There are so many other people who struggle bloody hard just to even make a few grains of rice on the table and here I am, having proper shelter to cover my head. I'm being loved and well taken care of. Life is promising to me.

I see life like a jigsaw puzzle. When you 'destroy' the puzzle, it is an empty cardboard. Likewise, when you destroy life (suicide), it's empty. You gain nothing. Every puzzle has a clue and a meaning. Piecing up every puzzle would result in a complete and ultimate picture which says a lot. As a saying goes, "A picture says a thousand words". Applying that to life, when we are in troubled times, we learn to piece the broken reality back and soon, we'll realise that there is a solution to it and that life is complete again.

To be able to see the Sun every day, I count my blessing sincerely.

My course module of Life Management Skills (LMS) have thought me so much. It's very general but when I use the learning skills to improve specific qualities of myself, life is so much more fulfilling.

Managing Conflicts

Conflicts are basically life's basic struggles. The word "Conflict" is vague as has a wide range of intensity. Conflicts can last for hours, days, months or even years! Everyone goes through the bad times, struggle and fret, then feels completely frustrated. Precisely, conflicts are when simple disagreements go bad. There are different conflicts such as relationship based, interest based or even opinion based.

I hate getting involved in conflicts because it feels nasty and really sours my day. It's like glue being thrown in my face and I need to clear the mess of it - simply troublesome, painful and undesirable.

I have experienced different types of conflicts among friends which did turn out bad and stunk my entire week. I'd admit that it was rather immature but the result of the conflict did had some positive impact on our friendship. Once, my friend and I were involved in a project work and we had a completely different set of views about the way to go about doing the project. My friend insisted on his way while I insisted on mine. He is a strong headed individual and that was his strength and also his weakness, so to speak. I voiced out my opinion and he 'counter-opposed' to mine, feeling that his view was much better. It got to a point where things were heated up for the wrong reason and he felt pissed off. He was keen in doing the project work with me and wanted a switch with other groups. It put me in an awkward position whereby it looks as if I was the idiotic one which made things structure roughly.

Thankfully, things were sort out after much understanding and patience with each other. Giving in and taking others' opinion into consideration is all about teamwork. As a saying goes, "There is no I in a team".

The above mentioned situation was just a minor conflict among two individuals in a project work.

A common conflict would be in a relationship. Quarrels and fights are just part and parcel of a relationship - nothing is perfect. One has a view and the other has another, both disagree to each other and there, a quarrel erupts predictably. My parents are the common people. They quarrel over disagreements which sometimes, are really so trivial to the point where I'll just gawk at their immaturity. I'm not being rude or anything but sometimes, things aren't as complicated as it looks.

But I do vividly remember one argument my parents had which went on for days, close to week. Every night (for that period of time), my parents would lock themselves in the room and start their heated argument. Sometimes, I could hear bangs and loud hits against the cupboards or things being thrown out of anger. It's hard and fearful to open the door just to check on them. What makes things more intense is that they never fail to make sure the door is locked. They slept in separate rooms and seemed to be strangers. At one point, their quarrel lasted till the wee hours of the night, and my neighbour actually knocked on the door out of curiosity and asked them to not be such a din in the night. It was a very irritating block of time because I couldn't get peace. It was as if hell broke loose and lasted for a good number of days which felt like years.

But it soon got better, and I guess my parents decided to give in to each other, handling it maturely.

The eruption of that conflict has in fact brought them closer together. They both learnt that misunderstanding and the lack of communication has been the bane of such conflicts and that they both have to been patient and responsible with their actions. It's obvious that they had increased their level of understanding through their relationship conflicts.

The sight and thought of conflicts brings about negativity to people's mind. Underneath the harsh term, is a soft side. Conflicts can improve self awareness, strengthen relationships, promotes group cohesion, promotes creativity and helps problem solving.

Understanding You and Me

Communication gets message across and listening, gets message inside the mind. Listening is all about absorbing the meaning of words and understanding it. Listening styles reflects the attitude and behaviour of the listener. Honestly, I think that I am a good listner.

Listening is not always smooth. Sometimes, we do get distracted and then to miss a few words. Those words could have made a difference in the sentence and thus, could have expressed a different meaning. Take for instance; you friend talks to you and then a football match comes on live on the television. You redirect your attention, with your friend talking simultaneously. Redirecting back, you face your friend and say, "Sorry? can you repeat?"

That spilt second of distraction had interrupted your listening. It could have been just a couple of words, but those words could have meant a lot. Listening has many barriers, both external and internal.

I remember, when I was in Chinese class, I never paid attention. Chinese has never been my cup of tea, though I'm a Chinese by race. I was exposed to English and Malay in my family (Peranakan) and Chinese can be placed in the "history" or "antique" list. The interest I have for Chinese is really low. Whenever my Chinese teacher teaches, I would gaze in the air, but looking as though I'm all ears, grasping every word she said. At the end of the day, I'm absolutely clueless. Surprisingly, I did manage to get a Grade A for my PSLE. It came as a shocking surprise, don't wish to question on that.

In the lecture hall, the air condition blows as it maximum, hitting hard on you. You shiver, fidget and get distracted by the coldness. You tend to be more aware of the cold surroundings than what the lecturer is speaking about. Another example, you had a heavy meal for lunch and attend lesson the next moment, held in a cooling environment. Your teacher explains about a long passage on History and your eyes gets heavier each minute. The more your teacher went on, the more you went down (literally) and your whole body retires. Your listening ability shuts and your mind switches off.

When your not feeling well, your listening ability also goes down. Your body is not adjusted to optimum condition and therefore, your listening skills are being affected involuntarily. Emotions are definitely the main obstacles for listening. When you're anger, you tend to be more aggressive and defensive. When you're happy, you take things in really well. When you're sad, your mood dies. When you're confused, you're lost.

Your Choice: Would you listen to a talk made by your favourite Hollywood star or a talk made by your neighbour's friend?

The perception you have of an individual counts. If you have a good perception of a person, you tend to be more attentive and alert towards his/her talking. If you don't have much of an impression on that person, and you see him as a random individual, your interest level is not that high. Therefore, you would have to take second thoughts in listening attentively. Expectation wise, you would probably expect a superbly impressive talk by the Hollywood star and probably a more humble and moderate talk by your neighbour's friend.

Listening is not all about verbal conversations. Non-verbal factors do play a part and in fact, it is a key point to a good conversation. Body-language is high essential. Seeing is believing and by seeing, it leaves an impression. When a person speaks and goes on without any action, just plainly standing and blabbing, your interest is so hard to be maintained. The supposingly most interesting topic could just be the most boring topic ever!

Anger Management.

It is a cliché to say that when people get angry, they will get violent. Sometimes, anger leads to tears and isolation. Getting angry is part of human nature, and it is self-denial to say that you were never angry for once. Anger comes from within and it surge an awful amount of hatred which sometimes, is too much to handle and that's when nasty outcomes surfaces like, violence, tears, shouts and etc.

When you feel mistreated or misunderstood, you feel inferior and a sense of threat. It does not feel good and you tend to get frustrated and annoyed. When thing does not go your way due to unnecessary problems caused by others, it gives you painful kicks in the mind and triggers the anger emotions in you. You frown, fret, get agitated and pissed.

Anger Management is all about enabling individuals to control their anger when faced with conflicts. It is practically fine (and normal) to get angry but to be able to control it, is another set of context to learn and act out.

When some people get angry, they tend to be more physical. They throw, slam and punch. It's all about the amount of force they can exert out which matters to them. An angry person usually does not give much thought in their actions. It is a sudden rage which triggers their nerves and it is a 'out of sudden' reaction which is hard to control when not in the right frame of mind. On the other hand, there are others who would isolate themselves from the crowd, go all silent and moody. They prefer to be isolated and not disturbed. There are also those who tend to use other emotions like crying, to express their anger.

In my personal point of view, when I am angry, I do not resort violence because I believe that there are solutions to every problem and by getting violent, things would not get any better and in fact, get worse. The best way (in my opinion) to vent out anger is my talking to a close friend or writing it out. I usually do self-reflections and it does give me a clearer perspective in solving the problem rather than getting messed up in violence or tears. A loud scream would help too .... but up on a hill would be more practical or somewhere high and far. It'd be unfair to disturb the neighbours and create commotion or get mistaken for being mentally unsound.

Another good solution to rent anger, without getting others hurt, is to vent it out on a punch-bag and blast some music out (in a confined area with door closed and windows shut). It is good exercise too! Put the picture of someone you hate, or a chunk of paragraph which state the problem which had made you angry, wear a good comfortable set of clothing and start punching till you're satisfied! Not only will you feel better at the end of the punch-up anger session, you'll feel fitter too.

Controlling anger is all in the mind. It is physiological. Sometimes, the sudden rage is too much to handle that your muscles are so tighten and it boils your blood to a high temperature whereby you could very well slam down a nailed door. CALM down and REFLECT.

Self-Awareness and Self-Esteem.

As an individual, one has emotions to express and is aware of flaws all around. It is common to cringe at flaws and be ever-enthusiastic to change it and make it perfect. But sometimes, flaws are there to stay and you'll just have to make the best out of it. Awareness is the key to understanding oneself better (both mentally and physically), understand the changes and the reason of occurrence and finally, being fully acceptant about it. As the term suggest - Self Awareness; it is all about you being special is many ways and that your specialities does make a difference in the people around you. Life is too short to be unaware and unappreciative. Every individual has their own positivity to admire and to learn from. Acceptance is the answer in becoming a stronger individual. Some people may have great outlooks on their personalities but in fact, in the eyes of others, it is otherwise. It doesn't pay off to be unaware of yourself, does it?

Move away with Self Awareness and take a step into Self Esteem. It is the companion of Self Awareness when it comes to developing own emotional satisfaction.

People who suffers from low-esteem are ones who are usually really inferior and moody. They tend to be very fragile and vulnerable, like straws in fire. Criticisms are their road to depression and it takes a lot of mental strength to be pull out of it. Low self-esteem usually relates to physical appearances and it's all about sensitivity towards comments by others - fat, ugly, flabby, rounded, lard-face and what have you.
It is definitely hurting in a sense that they are being specifically picked on by their flawed features and this becomes the bane of burden for them.

Life story: When I was younger, my family usually compare me with my cousins, on who is the smarter one. I hate such comparisons because it gets me nowhere. It simply puts me off and it can be degrading when I know that I'm the 'less smart' one amongst them. In class, my best friend would ace in Mathematics while I would get a C grade for it. My mother would cane and reprimand me for all the silly mistakes I'm made and scold me for being stupid. "Stupid" has since been a common self-description for me. I felt so down, so disappointed with myself. In fact, I accepted the fact that I am indeed stupid. I know nothing and the world sees me as nothing. It was a sad experience.

As I grew older, I learn that I should have confidence in myself and prove to others than I am otherwise. Self esteem is all about believing in yourself, taking pride in your work and ultimately, being self appreciating.

Maturely, criticisms are simply words that is not able to hurt your muscles and leave you aching all day. In fact, through criticisms, one can be a stronger person.

It is good to have a high self-esteem. Esteem has the meaning of respect. In other words, it is Self-Respect. A good self esteem would bring in praises, confidence and the motivation to be a risk-taker, the inspiration to be better each day and the sense of self acceptance.

Let's take an example of a slightly oversized lady with a good self esteem would react in the way of criticism:

A guy comments that she is fat and that the view of people behind her is completely blocked out of sight.

High self-esteem reaction: I believe that I may be a little bigger in size than majority but I love my curves. I wouldn't mind losing some weight but it's all about me being who I want to be! I'm perfectly comfortable with my curvy outlook and I think I look rather adorable!

A low self-esteem reaction: Goodness gracious, the world know sees me as the most gigantic human ever. I'm terribly disgusting and people stare at me because of my revolting size in nature. I need to slim down immediately. Should I start with a major diet or should I enrol in slimming? Everyone hates me, I know I'm ugly, loathsome and disgusting.

Stay positive and lead a great life or be inferior every time and lead a miserable life with no smiles? Self Awareness and Self Esteem is the essential keys to upgrade oneself from ordinary to extraordinary. Talents and speciality comes from within and everyone has something special about them - no one is alike.